Please Stop the Pain

Too much noise here
I can’t concentrate
I can’t hear anything but the noise

The voices are so loud
They never stop
They just keep screaming at me

They never say anything good
Always bad
Always ugly

I’m always bad
I’m always ugly
I’m broken

But wait, there is another Voice
It sounds different
It feels different

It feels familiar
Yes, it has always been there
Sometimes louder, sometimes softer

What is it saying
I can’t hear
There is too much noise

I want to hear you
What are you saying
Speak louder

I am…
I am…what
I can’t hear you, speak louder

Shut up voices
Shut up and let me hear
Please, I want to hear the other Voice

The Voice is saying I am whole
I am not broken
No, that can’t be

Look what I’ve done to myself and to others
Look what others have done to me
I must be broken

The Voice is so beautiful
How can I not believe
I want to believe, I really do

I can’t believe
I’m not strong enough
I don’t know how to believe

All I know is the pain
It is unbearable
It is overwhelming

I can’t concentrate
I can’t feel anything but the pain
I just want the pain to stop

I am so tired
This is an old battle
I don’t want to be here again

I am fighting to hold on
But why should I
There is nothing here for me

I feel so alone
Maybe I should just leave this existence
No one would miss me if I am gone

I feel so worthless
What have I ever done that meant something
Have I ever made a difference

Wait
I can hear the Voice again
Somehow it is louder than before

The Voice is saying that I am not alone
That I am never alone
How can that be

No, I can’t believe that
It is ridiculous
At the same time, it feels right

I want to believe
I am desperate to believe
I don’t know if I have the strength

The pain is still there
But not, somehow
Something else is there too

Something beautiful
Something holding me tightly
Holding me to this world

An anchor
Giving me something to hold on to
What is it

It is hope the Voice whispers
Hope that I am not alone
Hope that I am loved

I’m not sure that I completely believe
But I am holding on
Even for just a second